Very bad attempt at Coldfire Drabble (100 words - the term is drabble?)

[fragorl.livejournal.com]

Hi everyone, I was trying to complete a drabble challenge involving villains (so guess who was my first choice) and thought id post it here, where there is a chance that readers will actually understand it... Any criticism/ feedback welcomed! I am trying to improve...

 

The rope was tight around her neck.

 She could feel the coldness of the chair, uneven yet firm beneath her feet. A week ago even standing was unbearable. An agony of running, of torn and bloodied blisters, and memories of fear.

 She hadn’t let them Heal her, even through her withdrawn mind, and mists of precious sleep. Even that benign act required Power – and Power... She shuddered. Power was his domain. Darkness: his touch, malevolent and shameful.  

 ‘Goodbye’ she thought, determined now. The memories had renewed her strength. She stepped and for a second heard the mocking of his laughter.

Comments

[eveningfire.livejournal.com]

Nicely done! I always did wonder about the few women (other than Narilka) whom Tarrant allowed escape and how they deal with the experience. I think it's only mentioned once in the book (is it Ciani who says they usually end up killing themselves?), and it's really neat that you picked up on that detail and wrote about it. I like how you describe the chair -- "uneven yet firm". It makes me remember climbing on chairs as a kid (not to hang myself, obviously! :-)). I guess most wood chairs do indeed feel uneven; it's a nice touch that you thought of that and it really brings the sensation alive for the reader.

[fragorl.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the lovely feedback! I dont think its particularly well written as 100 words is quite restrictive, but it does seem like a fun way of improving writing style! I am glad you liked the discription of the chair I was trying to give an impression of sensation without using too many words :)